Uganda February 2018

Through my work at Bridge a Life, next month I am excited to make my third trip to Uganda in as many years. A team of five of us will make the 24 hour journey beginning February 21st, and will return home on March 5th. The bulk of our time (7 days) will be spent in Mpongo, Uganda, a very rural and undeveloped village. That's a week with no running water, no electricity, no wifi, no lots of things... but I couldn't be more excited! The hardest part is leaving my family. I am anything but a helicopter mom, but I do experience a good amount of anxiety (and guilt) in the days leading up to the trip and on those long legs of the flight. In a sense, my heart feels torn in two. I am thankful for a supportive hubby, awesome kids, and a great tribe of friends that makes leaving not quite so hard.

While in Uganda we hope to accomplish several things:

-Evaluate Ayinza's ongoing initiatives, including:
   -Visit the 22 children from Mpongo who are sponsored to attend a boarding school called God Cares School, located in the capital city of Kampala. 
   -Visit each school's lunch program, now operating at all four schools and feeding hundreds of kids each day. This program not only offers daytime nutrition but also encourages consistent school attendance.
   -Meet with the water and sanitation committee and inspect the well, which provides clean water to the community. The committee also trains the community on healthy hygiene practices.

-Launch several new initiatives including:
  -At least one, but possibly several showings of The Jesus Film in the local language of Luganda. With the language barrier, as well as a high illiteracy level, we are excited to share the Good News of Jesus in an entertaining and easy to understand format.
   -A two day training for the 200 school age girls who are at least 10 years old that will teach them about their bodies, women's hygiene, self-defense, and more. The girls will also be given the materials necessary to manage their monthly period, with the hopes that fewer girls miss school days and ultimately drop out, and fewer young girls become pregnant.
  -Help establish a Children's Ministry program in the community.
  -Visit the site of the new maize milling facility and helping the community establish guidelines for its use. Maize is the only food item that has to be purchased outside of Mpongo due to the community not having its own grinding facility. The goal is for the school lunch program to be completely self-sustaining in the future.

These are the highlights but I am confident more will be accomplished. Also, we can't overemphasize the importance of relationship building while we are there, which strengthens our friendships and partnerships with the local people. This is a long term investment and I look forward to what I will learn on this trip, as much as I look forward to seeing generational change for the better happen in Mpongo.

There are several ways that you can be involved, if you are interested:
- Consider going on a future trip. Bridge a Life sends two teams a year. I'd love to talk with you about joining us.
- Pray for our effectiveness while we are gone, and for the long term impact of these initiatives.
- Donate underwear for girls and women 10 years and older, washcloths, or small bars of soap. These items will help the girls care for themselves and hopefully remain in school. For $10/girl, she will be trained and given all necessary supplies to manage her period for 2-3 years, meaning she will be in school that much longer. Donations need to be in hand by February 18th. If you need a mailing address please let me know or if you are local I can arrange pick up.
- Make a tax-deductible donation to help cover these programs. Donations can be made online or a check can be made out to Bridge a Life and sent to 1680 Fruitville Rd Sarasota, FL 34236.

Thanks for reading- if you have additional questions I'd love to hear from you!

I'm Going to Uganda!

My freshman year of high school I took Latin as my foreign language. I thought it would prepare me well for a medical profession, most likely sports medicine. The summer before my sophomore year I went on my first mission trip to Mexico. That fall I switched my foreign language to Spanish and decided to pursue global missions (last time I checked, not many people were still speaking Latin;). I went on a couple more mission trips while still in high school and ended up graduating a semester early. I contemplated working full time until college began, or going out of country. I had always wanted to visit Africa but I was 18 and traveling alone. I was encouraged to go to Haiti instead- my home church had established missionaries there and I could volunteer in the English-immersion school. I lived in Haiti for what would have been the second semester of my senior year of high school. I loved it so much, I almost never came home (had it not been for a tall red-head whom I had grown fond of, as well as the opportunity to play college basketball, I probably never would have returned). Still, I left a piece of my heart in Haiti.

I entered college as a missions major and eventually changed to Children's Ministry. I got married, graduated, had a kid, moved to Florida, had another kid, bought a house, became a Children's Pastor, and had six more kids. Life has been full of kids and transitions.

Last fall I heard about a job opening with a local foster care and adoption organization called Bridge a Life. If ever I were not going to be working in the local church, a not-for-profit like Bridge a Life seemed like a natural fit. I looked into what the organization was doing locally, and decided to apply for the open position. During my first interview I discovered that there was more to Bridge a Life than just the local initiatives. BaL is also connected to Mpongo, Uganda and there are BIG plans! My excitement level went up exponentially! Clearly I have a heart for local foster care and adoption, but the possibility of traveling to Africa and participating in Ayinza was the icing on the cake!

I began working for BaL in November of 2014 and am anticipating my first trip to Uganda this September!

A little about our trip:
A team of eight of us will be traveling to Uganda from September 12-25. We'll lose about three days for travel. We are currently finalizing our specific team objectives- generally speaking, we are helping to lay the groundwork for the future site of Ayinza, focusing not only on the building aspects, but also on meeting current community needs, before bricks and mortar. While we are there I will also have the opportunity to meet our Life Group's sponsored child, Noeline. It is likely we will spend most of our time on the future Ayinza site, which means no running water or electricity. This actually makes me pretty happy:) The total cost of the trip is $2500 and each team member is responsible to raise his/her own funds. Tax-deductible donations can be made to Bridge a Life or online.

What about the other Jesters?
They are staying home with their brave Daddy. I can't really think about leaving them or I'll start crying. Everyone is getting older now and, while I will miss them like crazy, I know they'll be juuuust fine. A couple of them have expressed significant interest in coming along, and I hope that will be a possibility on future trips. Ray is more than capable of being superparent for two weeks (but if you want to drop off dinner sometime, I am sure he'd accept;)

There are plenty more exciting things to share, but this is it in a nutshell. Girl who has always wanted to go to Africa gets sweet job that allows her to go to Africa:) If there are specifics you want to know, please ask. I love sharing about this. I'll also plan to post updates and pictures as I am able.

If you've read this far, thanks for caring and thanks for being a part of my life. Love you all!

Year. Two. (May 2013)

It has been two years since our family has officially consisted of the 10 of us.
Here's a little bit about how this last year shaped up.

I took my SIX daughters to a Mother's Day Tea.  SIX!  Wow, God is funny:)

 We had five kids "graduate".

Sarah Grace graduated from 8th grade.  She had the support of many family friends and she even wrote  speech which she gave at her graduation!

Izzy graduted from 5th grade and moved into the big, scary world of Middle School!  Yikes!

She is doing great.

Matthew graduated from Kindergarten.

Gretch graduated from preschool.

And so did Kristina!

Ray and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary and finally decided to go on our 10 year anniversary cruise;)

You know, us plus our eight crazy kids!

This is a picture from Father's Day.  Enough said.

Jessica turned 18 years old!!!!  And was gifted a phone (reluctantly).

A few simple tricks continue to make life easier.  Color-coding children's belongings, for example.

Our "babies" started Kindergarten.  Still hard to believe they are only 4 months apart in age.

Now everyone is in school!

Gretchen's first day.

Kristina's first day.

Most significant this year was that after waiting 5 months and moving three times, the offer we put in on a short sale home was accepted.  

We bought a jungle...

And have spent quite a bit of time taming it.

Everyone pitched in.

Once again our friends showed up in force.
God knew what He was doing when He put us in this community we have.

While we were fixing up our new house, with the help of all our amazing friends, we were 52 days without a kitchen.

FIFTY.  TWO.  DAYS.

So we had a LOT of bonfires.  Hot dogs and s'mores were common dinner items for far too long.
But the kids loved it!

Other notable things about this past year-

Sarah and Jessica both got their driver's licenses!  And each got her first job.  What incredible progress these girls have made- and how quickly time is flying.

We started our first garden this past March and are excited by the possibility of us growing a lot of what our family needs.

After realizing that this is the 5th house that the 10 of us have lived in during the past two years, we are mostly thankful to be settling down and enjoying our new home with the people we love most.  

If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people--- thank you for loving our family:)

Jesus Knows Me, This I Love

A few years ago I was at a conference and one of the speakers said, "Jesus knows me, this I love."  That stuck with me.

Not too long after that I was having a conversation with a friend and he said, "I think what we all want is just to be known."

Recently I read the following blog article and this longing to be known resonated again. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I have noticed that God works thematically in my life.  One day I will realize that I have heard the same general theme coming from multiple sources and it's like He is saying, "Pay attention!  I am trying to tell you something here."  So this is my current theme.  To be known.  To be in authentic community.  To know God.  And others.

One of the critical mistakes I believe we can make, is to equate our relationship with others as equal to, or indicative of, our relationship with God.  For example, if who I believe God is, is wrapped up in how I feel about my pastor, or my small group leader, I will eventually be disappointed… no matter how great my pastor or small group leader is.  Why?  Because they aren't God.  Christian community was never intended to be a substitute for a personal relationship with God.  And how does this relate to being known?  Because this morning I realized, for maybe the first time, that I am perfectly comfortable with my relationship with God.  There is no struggle for authenticity there.  He knows me.  Intimately.  And I am getting to know Him too.  Little by little He is revealing more of Himself to me.  Where fear sets in- where I struggle to be real- is with God's people.  It is within the context of community where I feel I have to have it all together (and the tension that is created there because I know that I don't).  I know God loves me unconditionally.  But will they?  I know God sees me.  But do they?  And I know that He forgives.  But will they?

And for me, that is probably why conflict and stress always have been good motivators to draw me closer to God.  Because when I am disappointed by others, I remember I have a Friend who will never disappoint me.  I never have to question His motives or worry that I am bothering Him with my petty problems.  He's never too busy.  Or too tired.  Or too stressed.

I love the community that God has placed me in.  I cannot imagine a better system of support or encouragement.  My reality is that I can be very authentic in my present context.  But I am thankful for the reminder today that no person was ever meant to take the place of my relationship with God.  And He knows me… THIS I love.

Raw

All in all, I would say life is going great.  I could fill a book with all the things I am thankful for.  However, in the midst of all the great, there has been some icky.  And it's been going on for a while now.  Today it felt heavy.  The kind of heavy that can't be shaken even though you know:
  *God is good
  *My family is amazing
  *I have the best friends in the world
  *Etc
It's heavy because it won't go away on its own.  I won't wake up tomorrow and find that everything is fixed.  I have some decisions to make.  And today I have been thinking about that.  A lot.

When I got home from work, we ate dinner and began the bedtime ritual.  Even with three kids at camp this week, I had that "I am not sure can muster enough energy to see this thing through" feeling.  I had work to do.  Lists to make.  Lunches to pack.  Sleep sounded a lot better.

Then, something amazing happened.  I had only planned to take the fruit and veggie scraps from our kitchen out to the compost pile, then come back inside.  But once I got out to the garden, I started to investigate.  I expected maybe a couple of tomatoes.  A few beans.  Possibly a pepper.  Instead, what I found was:

A baby watermelon! 

 No... TWO baby watermelons!

 The cantaloupe has doubled in size, in what?  A couple of days?!  And he has seven more friends:)

 Okra!  Finally!  Okra!

 The carrots are thickening.

 And the habenero has turned.

Several more tomatoes were ready.

 And two more eggplants.

I don't really know what it is about this gardening thing, but I am pretty sure it is borderline magical.  Nothing about my situation has changed.  But for tonight, I am no longer tired.  The ickiness has subsided.  The weight has lifted.  And things are looking up.

When Protecting Her Innocence Is No Longer An Option

This week Izzy came home talking about a fight that had happened at her middle school that day.  It was difficult not to react as she was telling me the events that had unfolded.  Of course, 12 year olds fighting is an issue for me, but more problematic was the fact that the kids at school seemed to really thrive on this kind of activity.  They all knew the fight was going to happen, they had chosen sides, and while they were watching many of the kids pulled out their cell phones to video the whole thing.  I listened.  When Izzy was done talking I asked her how the fight made her feel.

"Scared."

Good.  It should.

The next day she talked about it some more.  Sort of half smiling as she spoke.  The kind of storytelling kids do when they are nervous and they know they are testing their parent's limit of acceptability.  Even though the fight scared her, it also intrigued her.  And she was curious about what would be happening next.  I had listened.  But now I had a chance to weigh in.

"Izzy, you know what the problem with 12 year olds fighting is?"
"What, momma?"
"The 12 year olds become 15 year olds.  And then they become 25 year olds.  And then they become 50 year olds.  And unless somewhere along the way they decide that fighting is not ok, they continue to do it.  That's why some families fight.  Problems aren't solved just because we grow older.  Problems are solved when we make good choices."

Izzy has this amazing, energetic, sweet personality.  She was 10 when we adopted her and something about being 10 and being Izzy and being adopted was borderline magical.  To say that Izzy was proud of being adopted is a huge understatement.  She talked about it constantly with classmates and teachers.  She shared adoption day photos.  She said prayers like "God, thanks for giving me a safe place to live now."  It's almost like Izzy was that perfect age of being old enough to remember her past, but young enough to still be innocent.  She is the "middle" of our eight kids- too young to hang with the teens but older than the "littles".  And when it comes to her adoption story this placement has been beautiful.

So back to the fight and why it bothered me- because Izzy has already seen too much.

Way.  Too.  Much.

Her innocence was stolen from yet, yet she managed to maintain it.  She remembers- but for a moment last week she forgot.

The last thing I ever want to do is take her back to that scary place.  Back to the fighting.  But I also realize all the bad things I had hoped to protect my kids from they have experienced first hand.  We can't protect them.  All we can do is reframe.  Give them a different lens to look through.  Shift their worldview.

So for a brief moment I let Izzy remember what it is like to live in a home where fighting happens regularly.  I helped her connect how a schoolyard fight between middle schoolers could become a domestic violence dispute 20 years down the road.  There is nothing cool about that.  No one wins.  And no one is pulling out the cell phone to video those fights.

I understand that kids fight.  This is nothing new.  And I am not suggesting that every fight stems from or leads to violence in the home.  But as a parent I saw that for a moment Izzy was getting caught up in the drama of it all.  For a moment she liked it.  And for a moment, she needed to remember that fighting hurts.

We Can't Do This

I began this blog close to a year ago- our adoption had been finalized for about a year at that point.  Lots of things were still new.  The learning curve was steep.  Now, a year later I want to finish this blog because we are settling in.  It's easy to forget.  It's time to remind myself what He has done for us:

A couple of weeks ago our two older girls had an appointment.  Let me back up by saying that one of the biggest frustrations I have had with foster care/adoption is the insurance situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful for the medical professionals who choose to accept government insurance programs.  Even though we have officially adopted the kids, they are able to keep their Medicaid insurance.  Which is great.  Except not always.  For example, when it's time to take our biological kids to the dentist, they cannot wait!  They love the dentist.  Gretchen actually asks to go to the dentist on her birthday!  The office is bright and kid friendly and the staff is amazing!  It's a great experience for them.  On the other hand, our adopted kids went to another dentist in town and the whole experience was less than desirable.  The office is always way over-crowded, there is no chance to speak with any of the staff privately, and the wait time was often over 2 hours.  Much different experience.  Again, I am thankful for the option to have six kids' medical bills paid in full, but we really started to wonder if it was all worth it.  I know there are some great Medicaid doctors out there (we have had several), and I have no interest in debating government health care.  I'm just saying this was our experience.  As a parent to ALL of these children, it seemed completely unfair that two of the kids loved their medical appointments, and six dreaded them.  Not to mention it was just inconvenient to have two sets of doctors.
At the time Asa and Gretchen's medical providers did not accept Medicaid but, because we trusted them completely, we began to explain our situation to them and ask if they had other medical providers they would feel comfortable referring us to.  As they heard our story, they individually told us that they would be willing to see all eight of our kids.  I could not be more thankful for this!!!  And all of our kiddos now happily go to doctor's appointments.
We had another specialist we had to see a couple of weeks ago for the two older girls.  We had a Medicaid option, but seeing him would have required an hour+ drive (one way) every month for the next couple of years.  And the only day they could see us was on Tuesdays, when Ray and I both have staff meeting.  I started to calculate not only the expense of our time, but also of gas to and from.  The "free" medical treatment was becoming pretty costly.
Through a referral, we ended up making an appointment for another doctor in town (a non-Medicaid provider) who I had heard great things about!  Again, the office was cheerful and bright.  It looked like a place where kids belong.  The staff was excellent and they made my girls feel very comfortable.  Within just a few minutes I knew this was where I would want my girls to be seen.  I also knew it would be expensive.
Another long story short....at the end of our visit the staff let us know that they had heard our story, and they wanted to be able to help us.  They offered us a very significant discount on the girls' medical care.  I have no idea how they heard our story, or how much of it they know.  While we were at the office we did not discuss it.
As I was driving with the girls after the visit, I was overcome with gratitude and I felt compelled to tell them what was on my heart.  It went something like this....
"When Daddy and I were making the decision about adopting all six of you, we had some things we needed to work through.  When you become a mom or a dad, there are certain things you want to be able to give your child.  There are material things you want to be able to provide for your children, and you also want to be able to spend quality time with them.  We certainly didn't want to spoil Asa or Gretchen, but we wanted them to be able to have what they needed, play on sports teams or do music lessons, etc.  And we wanted to give them the time and attention they needed.  Adding six more kids to our family was a BIG decision.  We wanted to be able to give YOU all of those same things.  We had a lot of people asking us if we thought we could do it.  'Will you be able to afford it?'  'Will you have enough time for all of them?'  'Will you be able to keep working AND raise a large family?'  I wanted so badly to tell everyone that we COULD do it.  That we had a plan.  We could pull this off.  But as we began to really pray about it, I remember getting a very different answer.  Instead of God telling us that we could do it all on our own, He said.... 'You CAN'T do it.  Not by yourselves.  But I will send people who will help you.  I will surround your family with a community that is like none you've ever been a part of.'"
I went on to remind the girls of all the people who continually pour into their lives.  People who show up for their special events.  Who send them money for their summer mission trips and camps.  People who take them driving.  And shopping.  And out to lunch or the movies.  People who bring us dinner on a regular basis.  People who tutor them.  And encourage them.  Doctors who don't even know them, but want to help them.
And here's the thing.... I want my girls to know how much they are loved.  I want them to recognize that these kinds of things don't just happen.  This community of people God has put into our lives is a fulfillment of His promise to Ray and me.  Community is our rainbow.  It's His demonstration of faithfulness to our family.  It's a reminder that He is the One who sustains us- and He uses His people to do it.  If you are one of those people- THANK YOU!  You are a gift.  You are making this family possible.