Normal. And thankful.

Days like today make me very grateful. Structure is beginning to resume.  Last night I made a meal plan for the next two weeks!  And today I went to all three stores required to pull that meal plan off, and keep us on budget. I cannot tell you how this thrills my heart. And, it is worth noting, that I didn't make it into work until noon. Another gentle reminder that this parenting thing is no joke, that balance is always just outside of reach, and that I am the mother of eight (even though I often try to operate as if I am not).
I asked Ray to start the rice before I got home, and Jessica and Sarah washed and chopped a couple of items needed for dinner. When I did get home from work, the house was clean and dinner was ready to assemble. Izzy worked beside me as we made teriyaki chicken, fried rice, and Asian vegetables. I smiled as we cooked, and I thought, "We actually did this. The idea of adopting six kids presented itself. We prayed about it. And we actually did it."  The decision now feels older than it does new. I hardly think about it any more. But a couple of years ago it was very new. It was on the forefront of every decision we made. It was scary. And exciting. And now it's life.
We ate dinner and the kids behaved like humans. No bickering (except over who got to pray).  No unpleasant table talk. Normal, pleasant conversation. Most of them can help their own plates now. I don't have to cut anyone's food into small bites. When I sit down to eat my food is still hot. Well...warm:) Dinner is enjoyable....finally!
When dinner was over everyone cleared his or her own place. And (this part is really good) they immediately began getting ready for bed.  Teeth brushed. Showers. Jammies. Yes!!!!
Now normal pre-bedtime activities are taking place and I am holed up in my bathroom, where I know I won't be bothered (except by Kristina who is standing at the door waiting patiently:)
No, it is not always like this. Yes, last night I wanted to run away. But, nights like tonight give me hope!  I am thankful for how far we have come. I am thankful for happy, healthy kids. I am thankful for a God who redeemed my life and has allowed me to be a part of His redemption of these kids' lives.  I am thankful that, because of my role as Mom, I can understand more fully His role as Heavenly Father. I'm just thankful. And next time I am not, I will reread this and be reminded. 

Year. One.

This week we celebrated our first official year together as a family of 10.  In some ways, I can't believe a year has already passed.  In other ways, I can't believe it's only been a year.  It's like the first time we visited our parents after Asa was born, and we sat around wondering what IN THE WORLD did we talk about before he has born?!  It's hard to remember what life was like before.  In many way I feel like these kids have always been a part of my life.  But it's important to remember that their perspective is much different.  For them, there was life before.  Good and bad.  And for all of us I think it's good to remember where we've come from, what we can learn from it, and how it has prepared us for what's to come.  So looking back at our first year as the Jester10, here are some things I remember....

Keep in mind our journey towards Mega_Family_Hood was somewhat staggered.  We had a decent warming up period.  Asa was born in 2005.  Gretchen came almost two years later.  We bought a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home and declared our family complete!  A year later we became foster parents.  Brittany moved in with us in July of 2009.  Kristina and Matthew followed in October 2009.  We had almost a year and a half of the seven of us (kids were 2, 2, 3, 4, and 5!) before Izzy, Sarah, and Jessica joined us in December 2010.  Hands down the first year was the hardest!  Three were in diapers.  Two didn't sleep through the night.  All needed help wiping their noses, wiping their bottoms, cutting their food, brushing their teeth, buckling their car seats, putting on shoes, etc etc etc.  Exhausting!!!  Still, even with the warming up period, I remember being very focused on large family logistics when the older 3 girls moved in.  How would we shop?  Cook?  Do laundry?  Carpool?  I read books (The Duggers: 20 and Counting!, The Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family, and Large Family Logisitics were three of the most helpful).  I read blogs.  I soaked up all the knowledge I could from women who had large families and ran them like well-oiled machines.

This is a picture of my first trip to Sam's after becoming a family of 10.

Yes, that's a log of ground beef.  

Yes, those are restaurant size cans of peaches and fruit cocktail (each will last just one meal).  

Yes, I care about the environment... but not enough to stop buying paper plates.  

We use them a few times a week.  NOT every meal.  Sorry Mother Earth.

About a month after the 3 oldest girls moved in with us, we left our little 3/2 home and moved into a 4/3.  We needed more towels.  More silverware.  More lunch boxes.  More bunk beds!  More pillows.  You get the idea.  What works for 4 just doesn't work for 10.  In an incredibly unselfish and gracious manner, the foster mom who the three older girls had lived with for almost two years, threw us a massive adoption shower.  She loves these girls like crazy.  This was NOT easy for her, or for them.  It was Jesus in action. Seriously awesome.  Combine that with an already amazing church family, and you get the picture below.  Honestly, people, when I rounded the corner to arrive at her home, I seriously thought "Wow, the neighbors must be having a party also."  Nope.  I began to recognize the cars parked along that street.  They were all there for our family.  

I.  LOST.  IT.

They came with towels.  And silverware.  And lunch boxes.

And bedding.  And pillows.

I think about that day a lot.  To say that it was humbling is a huge understatement.  How in the world did we get so many wonderful friends???!!!  A-mazing!

As a new OctoMom, I had two main logistical concerns.  One of them was laundry.  I researched this heavily and landed on the idea of a family closet.  Basically, you do away with dressers in bedrooms and you centralize everyone's clothes, linens, etc.  I LOVE this concept.  Like you, I was skeptical at first.  But it really works and I highly recommend it to anyone who has 5 or more children.  I purchased 6 black wardrobes that you see below from IKEA for about $30 each.  MUCH cheaper than buying several new dressers.  And much more functional.

The family closet is also where I stock items we use often, such as toilet paper, baby wipes, paper towels, etc.  The tubs contain all the wonderful hand me down clothes people give us, but the clothes are not currently in season or no one fits in them just yet.  For example, one tub will contain all boys' clothes in size 4T.

My second major logistical concern was meal planning/cooking/budgeting.  At first we had to eat in 2-3 different locations.  Five at the table we had, three at the bar, two on the couch.  I hated not being able to eat together as a family.  Voila!  In a crazy turn of events we had 10 solid wood chairs given to us by Olive Garden (they just happened to be getting rid of their old ones and replacing them with new).  A friend from church gave us their large table, just big enough for the 10 of us.  

This is our first meal together:)

I learned to buy and cook in bulk.  On average we spend $3-4/day per person on food.  No, we don't eat out much:)  Makes me really have to think hard about that Caramel Macchiato (the voices in my head say something like "Jody, do you really want to spend your entire food budget for today on coffee?"  Sometimes I do:)

This year we learned teamwork.

We painted.

 

We wore each other's clothes.  Accidentally.

We ALL learned how to ride bikes!

We grew.  Some faster than others.

We got squished.

We got our learner's permit :o

And we got another one!

We let our guard down.

We learned how to read.

And how to cook.

And through it all....

we became a FAMILY.

There Was An Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe...and Then She Was Told To Get Out

A month from today we have to be out of our house.  Which seems reasonable, except we just found out. Four years ago we bought our first home.  I was a stay at home Mom with two small children.  Asa was 3 and Gretchen was 1.  Life was...simpler.  We had moved to FL 3 years prior to that for Ray to take a position as worship pastor at Sarasota Christian Church.  We LOVE the church.  And we love Florida.  So we did the next rational thing and bought a house.  An ugly house.

But it was structurally sound, a great price, and close to everything.  Then 75 of our closest friends showed up in force to help turn our ugly house into a really cute little home, ready for our family of 4.  In 12 days (what were we thinking?) we:
*replaced all the flooring
*painted all the walls (after removing horrible wood paneling that we discovered was covering over wallpaper.  Lots and lots of wallpaper)
*replaced all the kitchen appliances and built a new kitchen countertop
*put in baseboards
I am sure there was more. It was a whirlwind.  But it was worth it.  After all, this was the house we were going to die in.  Our family was full grown and we had found "home".

A year later God tapped us on the shoulder.  He whispered something about foster care and orphans...yada yada yada.
Our plans changed.
Our 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1400 square foot home for four became a home for seven.  Our 3 girls shared a room and our 2 boys shared a room.  The kids ages were: 2, 2, 3, 4, and 5.  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little....
Anyway, they were small and we all fit just fine.  We knew as the kids grew we may eventually need something with more space, but for almost two years the seven of us fit quite nicely in our little house (and I had spent enough time in Haiti to know that even calling our home "little" was laughable compared to third world standards).
In November 2010 our foster kids' case took an unexpected turn and suddenly the kids we loved like crazy were eligible for adoption.  My heart broke for their loss, but rejoiced for our gain.  We knew we could never let them go.  Keeping sibling groups together is apparently a pretty big deal and we knew that our three foster children, along with their 3 older siblings (who had been placed with a family in our church) were a package deal.  More on this later.
By December 2010 our 1400 square foot home housed the 10 of us.  Ray liked to joke that it felt like jail. We each had roughly 10'x10' of space.  Again my mind returned to Haiti.  Could we stay in our home?  Sure we could!  Plenty of people deal with far less.  But our two teenage girls didn't even have a bedroom.  We decided to rent for a year.  The thought of purchasing another home just didn't seem possible.  Not simultaneous to becoming a mom of 8 children!  Yesterday my biggest challenge was potty training.  Today I am dealing with driver's permits and dating.  I was not equipped for house hunting too.
So we rented our little house out and we moved into a large rental.  It's hard to believe we've been there 15 months already.  We signed a 12 month lease and have been month to month ever since.  We considered moving sometime this summer or early fall.  Myopically, I never considered that our landlord may want to move back in.  Which he does.  In 30 days.
Here's what I know: It WILL all work out.  God has the perfect home for us.  What I also know is that God's timing is not always my timing.  And that for the desires of my heart to be fulfilled, sometimes my desires need to change to be His.
One of my favorite songs right now is by Lincoln Brewster.  The chorus says "I receive everything that you're doing in me.  And I believe that the rest of my life are the best days of my life."  Amen.  And amen.

A Day in the Life

Honestly, I never considered writing a blog.  Ray is a REALLY good writer.  He is witty but also thought-provoking.  He can look at a sink full of dirty dishes or a penny on the sidewalk and all of the sudden have some deep spiritual meaning connected to it.  His perspective is always interesting.  And perhaps because he is not the most loquacious person in the world, reading what he has written lets me into his brain.  I feel like I know him more.
Me?  I see a sink full of dirty dishes and well.... it's a sink full of dirty dishes.  Usually not a lot of spiritual thought revolving around that (though I DID have a fun perspective change last week, while staring at a sink full of dirty dishes.  But I'll share that another time).
So, why write a blog?  Well, a little over a year ago the population of our household increased about 43%.  The year prior to that our household had increased 75%.  The way we did life had to change.  My top concerns were: laundry, grocery shopping and meal planning, carpool, and sanity.  I had NO idea where to start, but I knew I needed a plan.  So I began to google things like "large family logistics" and "mega families".  Thank goodness that there are pioneers out there, others who have large families with the same logistical concerns I had.  Except these people had found some really great solutions, and they had decided to write books and blogs!  I poured over their material and started to make a plan.  I am SO thankful for their resources!
I am by no means an expert in this arena, but a little over a year later we have settled into some pretty good routines.  There are always things I would like to see go better.  Some areas I have not even begun to tackle.  But some are working quite well and until recently I had not given it much thought.  Then I posted this picture on Facebook

Currently 40 people have "liked" the picture and 20 have commented on it.  I don't think I have received a response like that since our adoption day pics from last year!  Thanks to everyone who left encouraging messages, lunch packing has been more enjoyable this week:)  This picture is what sparked my blog interest.  Whether you have 1 kid, or 20, this parenting thing is no joke.  It is a daily dying to self.  And sometimes you wonder if you are doing anything right at all.  So, I started to think through the last year or so.  What have we been doing that is working?  And what do we need help with?  Hopefully I'll have some ideas that will help you.  And I am hoping you can help me too (a friend of mine suggested an App for laundry.  If one of you could get working on that, it'd be great!)
In regards to lunch packing, I almost always do it the night before.  To say I am not a morning person is a huge understatement.  I'm a bear.  Huge props to Ray, who tackles breakfast duty every morning (I'm talking french toast, pancakes, biscuits and gravy, etc.)  He rocks.
I assemble lunches the night before.  To start the school year off, I had my two teenage girls learn about the food pyramid (which I now know is called MyPlate).  They are responsible to pack their own lunches, and I wanted to make sure it was balanced.  For accountability, they each had to pack a younger sibling's lunch as well.  Which left me to pack the other four kids' lunches.  It worked well for the first semester and the girls learned to make healthy food choices, which was the main goal.  But it really wasn't saving me any extra time.  Packing 6 lunches is not any harder than packing 4.  So this semester I let them off the hook.  They just pack their own lunch now.
Uniformity is key, so right off the bat I purchased these lunch boxes from Amazon.  The brand is easylunchboxes.com.  You can purchase separately the soft carrying case.  Each child has a different color, so if one goes missing, I know who to ask about it.  Lots of things in our house are color-coded to a specific child.  Cups, towels, toothbrushes.  Makes life easier (unless we have a guest come over who doesn't know the system and tries to give Gretchen's green cup to Kristina!  But the kids all know the routine well enough, usually they just adjust.)
Common foods you would find in my kids' lunches:
Deli meat with crackers or whole wheat tortillas.  PB and J.
Yogurt and cheese.
Raisins and craisins.
Always some kind of fruit.  Often: clementines, strawberries, apples, blueberries, blackberries, applesauce, peaches, bananas, bell peppers.
Tomatoes, carrots, edamame.  I have I much harder time with veggies.  If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!  If they don't have a veggie at lunch, we have at least one at dinner.
Maybe once a month I would give them a cookie or chips.  But rarely.
There aren't typically enough leftovers for me to send in with the kids, so often the teenage girls will eat dinner leftovers for lunch the next day.  Or Ray and I will.
School lunch is over $2/day so it's very rare they eat at school.  I try to keep each person's food consumption between $3-4/day per person.  You do the math on how much that is a month!  But for a family of 10, it's low.  One trip to Starbucks can blow your food allowance for the whole day, so we have to be careful.
So, what do you pack in your kids' lunches?

"I like adoption" (Asa, age 6)

Last week was a normal week.  We were driving home from school, which usually means I have at least 5 kids in the car with me.  I drive a Honda Odyssey (thanks to my sister and her husband, who gave us a sweet deal several years ago).  The Ody seats 7.  Ray drives a Honda Pilot (thanks to our local dealership, who also gave us a sweet deal because our family is in ministry).  Ray calls the Pilot a "truck".  The truck seats 8.  I am telling you this so that you understand that our family cannot ever go anywhere together.  We always have to take two vehicles.  Good thing gas is so cheap....
Anyway, we were on our way home.  Normal day.  Six kids in the back seat and one teenager up front with me.  Out of the blue Asa says, "I like adoption."  I chuckle and without even thinking say, "Me too, buddy.  Me too."  I am not sure what the other kids thought when he said this.  Honestly, they may not have considered it much.  With a houseful of young kids (who lack filters between their brains and their mouths and who are painfully unaware of social taboos) we have learned to speak in pretty plain language about the world of foster care and adoption.  It is what it is.  BUT, as the Mom of Asa, the one who knows what makes him tick, I was wondering what in the world was going on in his sweet little head.  Why was adoption on his mind in that particular moment?  Asa didn't give me much of a chance to ponder, or ask questions.  He continued (and this is where writing is so much more difficult than having a conversation) "You're pretty much all here because of me."  As he said this last part he pointed his finger in the air and did sort of a sweeping circular motion in everyone's direction.  I laughed REALLY hard.  Because now I knew exactly what was going on in the mind of my little boy.
The backstory (approximately 3.5 years ago): We had just bought our first house.  Asa is 3 and Gretchen is 1.  Our family is.... normal size.  Which is what we now call small.  One night at dinner Asa recognizes that our table has two additional, unoccupied seats.  He motions "who are those for?"  Again, this writing thing is hard because Asa is still in speech therapy today and at 3 years old Ray and I were pretty much the only ones who could understand him.  It probably sounded more like "Who dose fo?"  "Those are for our friends.  In case we ever have anyone over for dinner" I tell him.  Undeterred, he says, "I want two more babies."  Dramatic pause.  And a little more history.... I always wanted 3 or 4 children.  Ray wanted 2.  Period.  End of discussion.  And after 7 years of marriage I was also convinced.  Two was perfect.  So I smiled and began to explain to Asa that Daddy and I already had two babies, and we thought that was enough.  A satisfactory answer, I thought.  And the conversation moved on.  Until the next night at dinner.  And the next night.  Over the next several weeks Asa was persistent in his request for not one, but TWO more babies in our house.  We continued to tell Asa that we believed our family was complete. And to us, it was.
It was not long before we were riding somewhere in the Ody (before the days of the "truck") and Asa noticed (gasp!) that there were ALSO two available seats in the van.  Again the requests.  For weeks.  And again our response.  Same as before.
One night I was tucking Asa into bed and he asked me "Mom, when are you and Dad going to have more babies?"  I'm a say-it-one-time kind of parent so, to be honest, I was getting a little irritated by this ongoing dialogue.  "Asa, we have discussed this.  Daddy and I are happy having you and Gretchen.  We are all done having babies."  Asa looks me squarely in the face and says "I am going to pray that God changes your mind."
...
We tell that story now and again around our house.  We like our kids to know that it WAS an act of God that got us to where we are.  Sometimes our adopted kids will thank Asa for saying that prayer many years ago.  I like to thank Asa for that prayer.  Sometimes people wonder how Asa and Gretchen feel about our growing family.  Is there jealousy?  Do they get one on one time?  Will they grow up resenting the decision we've made?  I smile.  I think about Gretchen wrestling with Sarah and laughing so hard she can barely breathe.  I think about Asa and Jessica playing video games together (Asa's love language).  I thought often about our adopted kids' bond to Ray and me and wondered how that would all work out.  But one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed is the bond that has formed between our adopted kids and our biological ones.  It's a little slice of heaven every day.  Heaven, right in my living room.  How's this all going to affect Asa and Gretchen?  Well, I think they're going to be just fine;)
So, I'm gonna have to agree with my son.  I like adoption.  I like it a lot.  Good prayer, little guy.