I'm Going to Uganda!

My freshman year of high school I took Latin as my foreign language. I thought it would prepare me well for a medical profession, most likely sports medicine. The summer before my sophomore year I went on my first mission trip to Mexico. That fall I switched my foreign language to Spanish and decided to pursue global missions (last time I checked, not many people were still speaking Latin;). I went on a couple more mission trips while still in high school and ended up graduating a semester early. I contemplated working full time until college began, or going out of country. I had always wanted to visit Africa but I was 18 and traveling alone. I was encouraged to go to Haiti instead- my home church had established missionaries there and I could volunteer in the English-immersion school. I lived in Haiti for what would have been the second semester of my senior year of high school. I loved it so much, I almost never came home (had it not been for a tall red-head whom I had grown fond of, as well as the opportunity to play college basketball, I probably never would have returned). Still, I left a piece of my heart in Haiti.

I entered college as a missions major and eventually changed to Children's Ministry. I got married, graduated, had a kid, moved to Florida, had another kid, bought a house, became a Children's Pastor, and had six more kids. Life has been full of kids and transitions.

Last fall I heard about a job opening with a local foster care and adoption organization called Bridge a Life. If ever I were not going to be working in the local church, a not-for-profit like Bridge a Life seemed like a natural fit. I looked into what the organization was doing locally, and decided to apply for the open position. During my first interview I discovered that there was more to Bridge a Life than just the local initiatives. BaL is also connected to Mpongo, Uganda and there are BIG plans! My excitement level went up exponentially! Clearly I have a heart for local foster care and adoption, but the possibility of traveling to Africa and participating in Ayinza was the icing on the cake!

I began working for BaL in November of 2014 and am anticipating my first trip to Uganda this September!

A little about our trip:
A team of eight of us will be traveling to Uganda from September 12-25. We'll lose about three days for travel. We are currently finalizing our specific team objectives- generally speaking, we are helping to lay the groundwork for the future site of Ayinza, focusing not only on the building aspects, but also on meeting current community needs, before bricks and mortar. While we are there I will also have the opportunity to meet our Life Group's sponsored child, Noeline. It is likely we will spend most of our time on the future Ayinza site, which means no running water or electricity. This actually makes me pretty happy:) The total cost of the trip is $2500 and each team member is responsible to raise his/her own funds. Tax-deductible donations can be made to Bridge a Life or online.

What about the other Jesters?
They are staying home with their brave Daddy. I can't really think about leaving them or I'll start crying. Everyone is getting older now and, while I will miss them like crazy, I know they'll be juuuust fine. A couple of them have expressed significant interest in coming along, and I hope that will be a possibility on future trips. Ray is more than capable of being superparent for two weeks (but if you want to drop off dinner sometime, I am sure he'd accept;)

There are plenty more exciting things to share, but this is it in a nutshell. Girl who has always wanted to go to Africa gets sweet job that allows her to go to Africa:) If there are specifics you want to know, please ask. I love sharing about this. I'll also plan to post updates and pictures as I am able.

If you've read this far, thanks for caring and thanks for being a part of my life. Love you all!

Year. Two. (May 2013)

It has been two years since our family has officially consisted of the 10 of us.
Here's a little bit about how this last year shaped up.

I took my SIX daughters to a Mother's Day Tea.  SIX!  Wow, God is funny:)

 We had five kids "graduate".

Sarah Grace graduated from 8th grade.  She had the support of many family friends and she even wrote  speech which she gave at her graduation!

Izzy graduted from 5th grade and moved into the big, scary world of Middle School!  Yikes!

She is doing great.

Matthew graduated from Kindergarten.

Gretch graduated from preschool.

And so did Kristina!

Ray and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary and finally decided to go on our 10 year anniversary cruise;)

You know, us plus our eight crazy kids!

This is a picture from Father's Day.  Enough said.

Jessica turned 18 years old!!!!  And was gifted a phone (reluctantly).

A few simple tricks continue to make life easier.  Color-coding children's belongings, for example.

Our "babies" started Kindergarten.  Still hard to believe they are only 4 months apart in age.

Now everyone is in school!

Gretchen's first day.

Kristina's first day.

Most significant this year was that after waiting 5 months and moving three times, the offer we put in on a short sale home was accepted.  

We bought a jungle...

And have spent quite a bit of time taming it.

Everyone pitched in.

Once again our friends showed up in force.
God knew what He was doing when He put us in this community we have.

While we were fixing up our new house, with the help of all our amazing friends, we were 52 days without a kitchen.

FIFTY.  TWO.  DAYS.

So we had a LOT of bonfires.  Hot dogs and s'mores were common dinner items for far too long.
But the kids loved it!

Other notable things about this past year-

Sarah and Jessica both got their driver's licenses!  And each got her first job.  What incredible progress these girls have made- and how quickly time is flying.

We started our first garden this past March and are excited by the possibility of us growing a lot of what our family needs.

After realizing that this is the 5th house that the 10 of us have lived in during the past two years, we are mostly thankful to be settling down and enjoying our new home with the people we love most.  

If you are reading this, you are probably one of those people--- thank you for loving our family:)

Jesus Knows Me, This I Love

A few years ago I was at a conference and one of the speakers said, "Jesus knows me, this I love."  That stuck with me.

Not too long after that I was having a conversation with a friend and he said, "I think what we all want is just to be known."

Recently I read the following blog article and this longing to be known resonated again. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I have noticed that God works thematically in my life.  One day I will realize that I have heard the same general theme coming from multiple sources and it's like He is saying, "Pay attention!  I am trying to tell you something here."  So this is my current theme.  To be known.  To be in authentic community.  To know God.  And others.

One of the critical mistakes I believe we can make, is to equate our relationship with others as equal to, or indicative of, our relationship with God.  For example, if who I believe God is, is wrapped up in how I feel about my pastor, or my small group leader, I will eventually be disappointed… no matter how great my pastor or small group leader is.  Why?  Because they aren't God.  Christian community was never intended to be a substitute for a personal relationship with God.  And how does this relate to being known?  Because this morning I realized, for maybe the first time, that I am perfectly comfortable with my relationship with God.  There is no struggle for authenticity there.  He knows me.  Intimately.  And I am getting to know Him too.  Little by little He is revealing more of Himself to me.  Where fear sets in- where I struggle to be real- is with God's people.  It is within the context of community where I feel I have to have it all together (and the tension that is created there because I know that I don't).  I know God loves me unconditionally.  But will they?  I know God sees me.  But do they?  And I know that He forgives.  But will they?

And for me, that is probably why conflict and stress always have been good motivators to draw me closer to God.  Because when I am disappointed by others, I remember I have a Friend who will never disappoint me.  I never have to question His motives or worry that I am bothering Him with my petty problems.  He's never too busy.  Or too tired.  Or too stressed.

I love the community that God has placed me in.  I cannot imagine a better system of support or encouragement.  My reality is that I can be very authentic in my present context.  But I am thankful for the reminder today that no person was ever meant to take the place of my relationship with God.  And He knows me… THIS I love.

Raw

All in all, I would say life is going great.  I could fill a book with all the things I am thankful for.  However, in the midst of all the great, there has been some icky.  And it's been going on for a while now.  Today it felt heavy.  The kind of heavy that can't be shaken even though you know:
  *God is good
  *My family is amazing
  *I have the best friends in the world
  *Etc
It's heavy because it won't go away on its own.  I won't wake up tomorrow and find that everything is fixed.  I have some decisions to make.  And today I have been thinking about that.  A lot.

When I got home from work, we ate dinner and began the bedtime ritual.  Even with three kids at camp this week, I had that "I am not sure can muster enough energy to see this thing through" feeling.  I had work to do.  Lists to make.  Lunches to pack.  Sleep sounded a lot better.

Then, something amazing happened.  I had only planned to take the fruit and veggie scraps from our kitchen out to the compost pile, then come back inside.  But once I got out to the garden, I started to investigate.  I expected maybe a couple of tomatoes.  A few beans.  Possibly a pepper.  Instead, what I found was:

A baby watermelon! 

 No... TWO baby watermelons!

 The cantaloupe has doubled in size, in what?  A couple of days?!  And he has seven more friends:)

 Okra!  Finally!  Okra!

 The carrots are thickening.

 And the habenero has turned.

Several more tomatoes were ready.

 And two more eggplants.

I don't really know what it is about this gardening thing, but I am pretty sure it is borderline magical.  Nothing about my situation has changed.  But for tonight, I am no longer tired.  The ickiness has subsided.  The weight has lifted.  And things are looking up.

When Protecting Her Innocence Is No Longer An Option

This week Izzy came home talking about a fight that had happened at her middle school that day.  It was difficult not to react as she was telling me the events that had unfolded.  Of course, 12 year olds fighting is an issue for me, but more problematic was the fact that the kids at school seemed to really thrive on this kind of activity.  They all knew the fight was going to happen, they had chosen sides, and while they were watching many of the kids pulled out their cell phones to video the whole thing.  I listened.  When Izzy was done talking I asked her how the fight made her feel.

"Scared."

Good.  It should.

The next day she talked about it some more.  Sort of half smiling as she spoke.  The kind of storytelling kids do when they are nervous and they know they are testing their parent's limit of acceptability.  Even though the fight scared her, it also intrigued her.  And she was curious about what would be happening next.  I had listened.  But now I had a chance to weigh in.

"Izzy, you know what the problem with 12 year olds fighting is?"
"What, momma?"
"The 12 year olds become 15 year olds.  And then they become 25 year olds.  And then they become 50 year olds.  And unless somewhere along the way they decide that fighting is not ok, they continue to do it.  That's why some families fight.  Problems aren't solved just because we grow older.  Problems are solved when we make good choices."

Izzy has this amazing, energetic, sweet personality.  She was 10 when we adopted her and something about being 10 and being Izzy and being adopted was borderline magical.  To say that Izzy was proud of being adopted is a huge understatement.  She talked about it constantly with classmates and teachers.  She shared adoption day photos.  She said prayers like "God, thanks for giving me a safe place to live now."  It's almost like Izzy was that perfect age of being old enough to remember her past, but young enough to still be innocent.  She is the "middle" of our eight kids- too young to hang with the teens but older than the "littles".  And when it comes to her adoption story this placement has been beautiful.

So back to the fight and why it bothered me- because Izzy has already seen too much.

Way.  Too.  Much.

Her innocence was stolen from yet, yet she managed to maintain it.  She remembers- but for a moment last week she forgot.

The last thing I ever want to do is take her back to that scary place.  Back to the fighting.  But I also realize all the bad things I had hoped to protect my kids from they have experienced first hand.  We can't protect them.  All we can do is reframe.  Give them a different lens to look through.  Shift their worldview.

So for a brief moment I let Izzy remember what it is like to live in a home where fighting happens regularly.  I helped her connect how a schoolyard fight between middle schoolers could become a domestic violence dispute 20 years down the road.  There is nothing cool about that.  No one wins.  And no one is pulling out the cell phone to video those fights.

I understand that kids fight.  This is nothing new.  And I am not suggesting that every fight stems from or leads to violence in the home.  But as a parent I saw that for a moment Izzy was getting caught up in the drama of it all.  For a moment she liked it.  And for a moment, she needed to remember that fighting hurts.

We Can't Do This

I began this blog close to a year ago- our adoption had been finalized for about a year at that point.  Lots of things were still new.  The learning curve was steep.  Now, a year later I want to finish this blog because we are settling in.  It's easy to forget.  It's time to remind myself what He has done for us:

A couple of weeks ago our two older girls had an appointment.  Let me back up by saying that one of the biggest frustrations I have had with foster care/adoption is the insurance situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful for the medical professionals who choose to accept government insurance programs.  Even though we have officially adopted the kids, they are able to keep their Medicaid insurance.  Which is great.  Except not always.  For example, when it's time to take our biological kids to the dentist, they cannot wait!  They love the dentist.  Gretchen actually asks to go to the dentist on her birthday!  The office is bright and kid friendly and the staff is amazing!  It's a great experience for them.  On the other hand, our adopted kids went to another dentist in town and the whole experience was less than desirable.  The office is always way over-crowded, there is no chance to speak with any of the staff privately, and the wait time was often over 2 hours.  Much different experience.  Again, I am thankful for the option to have six kids' medical bills paid in full, but we really started to wonder if it was all worth it.  I know there are some great Medicaid doctors out there (we have had several), and I have no interest in debating government health care.  I'm just saying this was our experience.  As a parent to ALL of these children, it seemed completely unfair that two of the kids loved their medical appointments, and six dreaded them.  Not to mention it was just inconvenient to have two sets of doctors.
At the time Asa and Gretchen's medical providers did not accept Medicaid but, because we trusted them completely, we began to explain our situation to them and ask if they had other medical providers they would feel comfortable referring us to.  As they heard our story, they individually told us that they would be willing to see all eight of our kids.  I could not be more thankful for this!!!  And all of our kiddos now happily go to doctor's appointments.
We had another specialist we had to see a couple of weeks ago for the two older girls.  We had a Medicaid option, but seeing him would have required an hour+ drive (one way) every month for the next couple of years.  And the only day they could see us was on Tuesdays, when Ray and I both have staff meeting.  I started to calculate not only the expense of our time, but also of gas to and from.  The "free" medical treatment was becoming pretty costly.
Through a referral, we ended up making an appointment for another doctor in town (a non-Medicaid provider) who I had heard great things about!  Again, the office was cheerful and bright.  It looked like a place where kids belong.  The staff was excellent and they made my girls feel very comfortable.  Within just a few minutes I knew this was where I would want my girls to be seen.  I also knew it would be expensive.
Another long story short....at the end of our visit the staff let us know that they had heard our story, and they wanted to be able to help us.  They offered us a very significant discount on the girls' medical care.  I have no idea how they heard our story, or how much of it they know.  While we were at the office we did not discuss it.
As I was driving with the girls after the visit, I was overcome with gratitude and I felt compelled to tell them what was on my heart.  It went something like this....
"When Daddy and I were making the decision about adopting all six of you, we had some things we needed to work through.  When you become a mom or a dad, there are certain things you want to be able to give your child.  There are material things you want to be able to provide for your children, and you also want to be able to spend quality time with them.  We certainly didn't want to spoil Asa or Gretchen, but we wanted them to be able to have what they needed, play on sports teams or do music lessons, etc.  And we wanted to give them the time and attention they needed.  Adding six more kids to our family was a BIG decision.  We wanted to be able to give YOU all of those same things.  We had a lot of people asking us if we thought we could do it.  'Will you be able to afford it?'  'Will you have enough time for all of them?'  'Will you be able to keep working AND raise a large family?'  I wanted so badly to tell everyone that we COULD do it.  That we had a plan.  We could pull this off.  But as we began to really pray about it, I remember getting a very different answer.  Instead of God telling us that we could do it all on our own, He said.... 'You CAN'T do it.  Not by yourselves.  But I will send people who will help you.  I will surround your family with a community that is like none you've ever been a part of.'"
I went on to remind the girls of all the people who continually pour into their lives.  People who show up for their special events.  Who send them money for their summer mission trips and camps.  People who take them driving.  And shopping.  And out to lunch or the movies.  People who bring us dinner on a regular basis.  People who tutor them.  And encourage them.  Doctors who don't even know them, but want to help them.
And here's the thing.... I want my girls to know how much they are loved.  I want them to recognize that these kinds of things don't just happen.  This community of people God has put into our lives is a fulfillment of His promise to Ray and me.  Community is our rainbow.  It's His demonstration of faithfulness to our family.  It's a reminder that He is the One who sustains us- and He uses His people to do it.  If you are one of those people- THANK YOU!  You are a gift.  You are making this family possible.

"Did You Guys Plan This?"

People often ask us how it is we came to adopt six kids in one fell swoop.  "Did you plan this?"  My internal dialogue goes something like this, "Does anyone plan THIS?"  The filtered version of me usually is able to say something a little softer like "Not exactly.  It was a process."  So, here is the Cliffs notes version of the story.

I read my first book on foster care when I was still in high school.  I was drawn to it then, and knew it was something I wanted to do.  Ray has had a heart for adoption for a long time.  We discussed the possibility of fostering/adopting before we were ever engaged.  The idea was there, but definitely on the back burner.

We had three basic rules we had settled on:

1) We would start our biological family first (perhaps the only rule we actually kept).  And we would not foster or adopt until our bio kids were older... we thought middle school would be a good age.
2) We would not foster or adopt any child older than our bio children.  We wanted the influence of oldest to youngest to work in our favor.  We figured this was safer (and it probably was).
3) One kid.  That's it.  One.

I am a rule follower so this list was important.  We had a plan.

Of course we were far too young and naive to understand that God had a plan of His own.  And that life has a funny, and unexpected, way of unfolding.

In May of 2009 we had Asa (4) and Gretchen (2).  I was only working part time at Kids' Day Out.  We bought our first house and swore we'd never move again.  A few months later I was offered a full time job at the church, and although I really thought I'd stay at home for a few more years, I couldn't pass the opportunity up.  I took it.  That was a large part of the catalyst.  I soon realized that almost half of the kids I worked with in Children's Ministry were currently in foster care, or had been adopted out of it.  The opportunity was now front and center.

Not long after that we were invited to a church kid's birthday party.  It was a great day.  Asa and Gretchen had a blast swimming and playing on the bounce house.  There was lots of food.  The community was strong.  And we were invited into it.  What Ray and I both realized, and discussed on the way home that day, was that Asa and Gretchen were the only bio kids at that party.  All the other families were involved in foster care.  Ray and I talked on the way home.  The timeline had been bumped up.  Why wait?  The need is NOW.  And it is staring us in the face.

We started MAPP classes (Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting).  Basically, foster care classes. Thirty hours of them, followed by home visits, background checks, inspections, and lots of paperwork.

While we were still in MAPP, a foster family from our church called to let me know they were taking in a sibling group of three girls (Jessica was 14, Sarah was 13, and Izzy- then named Sandy- was 8).  Since at least one of the girls would be in children's ministry with me, I went to the foster family's house the day the girls arrived.  I took a couple of meals and a Bible for each girl.  I remember a handful of things about that day.  Little did I know I was meeting three of my future daughters!!!  Wow, the thought of that...

During that summer the girls were around a lot.  We saw them mostly at church.  They were shy, and stayed close to the few people they knew.  Remember, we were still in process of getting our license so I was paying close attention to how everything unfolded.  I had lots of questions.  And thankfully I had a bunch of foster families at the church who were available to discuss all of these things with me.

Not too long after that I had a group of elementary kids at summer camp.  I received a call from the foster mom who had the girls and she gave me some unexpected news... the girls had three younger siblings!  They were in three separate foster homes in three different counties.  And they hadn't been receiving their weekly sibling visits.

"Wouldn't it be great if you took the younger three kids once you are licensed?" she asked.

"No, that wouldn't be great.  Sounds kinda like hell to me," I replied.  I only say this because, remember, Asa and Gretchen are 4 and 2.  And the three little kids were 2, 3, and 5 at the time.  FIVE PRESCHOOLERS.  No thank you.

But she had a positive persistence.  One of those people who thinks big and sees what is possible.  God used her repetitive invitations for us to open up our home to the three little kids.  It was definitely not an overnight decision, but by the time we were licensed, we had made the decision.  If possible, we would foster the three little kids.  Two foster homes were better than four foster homes.  All six kids would see each other at church on Wednesdays and Sundays.  They could visit each other regularly.  It did seem like a much better set up.  And it worked!  Exactly as planned, we received our license and the three littles moved in one at a time.  First Brittany, then Kristina, and finally Matthew (then called Terry).

I think I have referenced in other blogs how difficult that first year was.  Truly exhausting.  But we managed (with God's grace and some wonderful friends) and everything fell into place.  While we were getting to know these three new little guys, we also continued getting to know the three older girls.

The goal of foster care is always to reunify children with their biological family.  So for eighteen months we faced the very real possibility that these kids we were falling in love with may not get to stay with us.  Another potential blog topic- how do you love on kids like they are your own, when they may not get to be your own?  Another time.

In November 2010 the kids' case took an unexpected turn.  Their bio parents failed to show for a critical court date and their parental rights were terminated on the spot.  Even after eighteen months, the realization that these kids would never return to their birth parents seemed very sudden.  It was a flurry of emotion.  So much sadness and grieving over what they had just lost.  Uncertainty in regards to the future.  Thankfulness that the justice system worked, and these sweet ones would land somewhere safe.    That day was surreal.  The details are very fuzzy now.

We knew that the welfare agency would do everything they could to try to place this sibling group in a single adoptive home.  Six kids.  Instant family.  Just add water:)

I won't go into all the details of the weeks that followed, but I can tell you that it was gut wrenching.  There were now two foster families who had invested deeply in these kids.  Two families that loved them.  There were no easy answers.  Eighteen months is a long time to have a child in your home- no one wants to lose that.

Before 2010 came to a close, the three oldest girls had moved in with us.  God had worked on us, slowly but surely, and we had accepted His invitation.  We were now parents to EIGHT children!

My friends, we did not plan this.  But He knew it all along.