The problem with writing is I think too much about it. For instance, I sat down to write while eating a bowl of cereal. I can multitask. Except now the cereal is gone and I have spent 10 minutes fretting over how to begin a blog post.
First, there's the grammatical component. If I am anything, I am my father's daughter when it comes to grammar and composition. A properly constructed sentence is paramount. There just ain't no way around it...(yes, I did that on purpose).
Second of all, is the question of who I am writing for? If I think I am writing for someone else's benefit, more fretting ensues. What I realized tonight is that I need to write for myself. Or at least try to. If someone else benefits, great! If not, that's ok. It wasn't about them anyway.
In my life there is always a sports parallel. Some of my earliest memories involve playing on sports teams and practicing with my sister in the back yard. I LOVE playing sports. Have never been such a fan of watching them. But I will play anything. Turns out some athleticism came pretty naturally for me, and at least according to some, I am pretty coachable as well. So combine some natural talent, with a deep love of playing, and propensity towards being coached well and you have a recipe for success. In addition, sports are measurable. If you are any good, your stats prove it. There is very little subjective measurement in the arena of athletics. You either won or you lost. You scored or you didn't. You played or you rode the bench. In life, I like knowing where I stand. Sports have always just worked for me.
Art, however, or any engagement of creativity, is an entirely different story. What is art? Who decides? How is success measured? And when it comes to expressing your own creativity, does it really even matter what other people think?
I took some art classes in High School. I was far from the most talented student in class. Athletics set me up to anticipate success immediately and, unfortunately, and historically, if I am not immediately good at something new I give it up. I tried playing guitar. Once. I was a good sprinter and one day my coach had me practice hurdles. Once. It's not my best quality, but it is true. I want to be good. And I want it to happen fast.
That's what surprised me so much when I began taking art classes. I wasn't the best. And I didn't care! I enjoyed the creative process so much that I was able to look beyond the comparisons. But art class was fifteen years ago and since then I haven't made much time for it. I guess you could say I've been kind of busy! What I have made time for consistently over the years is playing sports. I am really thankful for this and each week I have the opportunity to play soccer and basketball (at times softball). Continuing athletics is critical to maintaining my sanity. Staying physically active and competitive is such a vital part of who I am that I can't be separated from it. I have always known this.
What I didn't know was that nurturing the creative side is also important. It's not as big of a piece of who I am, but it is there (I am guessing that it is in everyone, to an extent). While I have enjoyed painting and ceramics in the past, and look forward to doing them again someday, that is not where I am currently finding creative satisfaction. I have found it in writing. This shouldn't surprise me, but it does. I don't know if this will be a new staple in my life, or if it's just a season. Frequent or not, I can now see that it is something that has always been there, and likely will always be.
So the trick now is to look at writing like I looked at those High School art classes. I need to put aside the fretting and just enjoy the creative process. And if that doesn't work, I can always take out my frustrations on the basketball court.
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