This particular transformation began with my attitude towards panhandlers. I couldn't ignore them but I also didn't feel comfortable giving money. At that time McDonald's sold $1 food vouchers in denominations of $5, $10, $20. I bought some of those and kept them in my glove box. If I saw someone holding a sign, I could tear out a few dollars of voucher money.
McDonald's stopped carrying those so I decided if I saw someone with a sign, I would go get them food and bring it back to them. One time I did that and the person had 3 other bags of fast food at his feet by the time I returned. Fail.
Off and on Ray and I have been known to carry bottles of water and Gatorade in our car, along with some granola bars or something similar. This seemed like a much better alternative than giving hot food.
Fast forward a few years. I read the book "What Difference Do It Make?". It's a story about an unlikely friendship that formed between a wealthy art dealer and an illiterate homeless man. The one lesson I took away from that book centered on dignity. While I may have been meeting a small and immediate need of food, I was doing nothing to help a fellow human being feel.... human. My friend Marty says if you offer a homeless or disadvantaged person $5 or 5 minutes of your undivided attention, they will want your attention every time. I know that now. I didn't know that then. And giving a stranger my time made me nervous.
Not long after reading that book I went to Panera for lunch. I was alone, which is like heaven to me. I had a book with me, and I had no intention of talking to anyone:) Not long after I sat down, right by the window, I saw a man walk by, all of his possessions in his shopping cart. I don't recall if he was asking anyone for anything. I don't think he was.
"Invite him to eat lunch with you."
Crickets......
"How about I just buy him food? He looks hungry."
"Invite him to eat WITH YOU."
I like to pull the "I'm just a girl" card, but only when it's convenient. Currently, it was convenient.
"What if something happens? I want to obey you, but I also want to be wise. I have a family to think about, you know?"
"It's your choice."
I went out and spoke to the man. I introduced myself and I asked him his name. I invited him to lunch.
Sadly, I don't remember his name. I don't remember much of what we talked about. What I know for sure is that experience added another link to the chain to get me where I am today, which is still far from where I hope to be- but further along than where I was.
That was probably two years ago. I haven't thought about that day much at all since then. Until I drove into work this morning....
On my way I drove right past an older man sitting along the side of the road. He had a suitcase beside him. He was not at a bus stop pick up location. He looked rough.
"Stop and talk to him."
"The road is busy. I can't just stop. Plus, I'm just a girl..." You can imagine how the next 2 minutes went as I argued with myself. And with God. "Aren't I doing enough? I've changed. I have friends who are homeless. I ate lunch with them yesterday! It's not that I don't care. Surely you know that. I'm going to be late for work. And he did look pretty sketchy. Where does common sense fit in here? I am pretty sure Ray would not want me to stop."
At this point I am a mile further down the road than I was. Now it's just downright inconvenient.
"It's your choice."
Three U-turns later I approach the man in the vehicle. I slow and roll the window down just as he stands up and begins to walk towards me.
"Are you ok?" I ask.
He nods.
"You're OK? Do you need anything?" He doesn't.
Sometimes He just wants to know we are WILLING to obey. Then we are off the hook. Genesis 22.
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